The Second Coming

Ok, so it’s no secret that I’ve been in a perpetual bad mood since Election Night 2016. I’ve sought deep rooted happiness in my usual pleasures, but they always seem to fall short. I literally even spent a foolish millisecond of my life believing I wanted love… you know, in case THAT’S what was missing. But that immediately proved to be wrong the moment “love” looked me straight in the FaceTime… on 3 separate occasions. Oh, I also rekindled my friendship with Don Draper, and while vastly improved in many areas, in others it has reached what I can only call A Strange Place. I’m having to examine the signs and am constantly reaching out to my besties like people calling Ms. Cleo for free readings! Whether the rekindling was a good idea or not is what we will have to stay tuned for, but it has provided an ounce of bliss or two. Another moment of happiness is that I found my new dream apartment: a lovely former artist studio with neat murals and a stage with red carpeting. It’s in one of my bucket list neighborhoods to live in but I just have to hope the current inhabitant does’t want to renew their lease. So there are many “such and such, but…” goings ons in my life, keeping me from optimal happiness. How does one reach “optimal happiness” though?! What does one do?

Well, I recently cut my own hair. It’s short. Not above the neckline short, but definitely too short for someone with as round of a face as I have. It’s cute though: kinda blunt at the ends, kinda asymmetrical bob-ish. In my never-ending quest to make my birthday celebration THE social event of the year, I made no time to get it done with my hairstylist when I went back home. And since this creature of habit wants not the convenience of finding a local hairstylist in a city where there are probably thousands, I literally said “fuck it” and snipped away. Yes, I used professional scissors.  There is this idea that women who cut their own hair are on the verge of a mental breakdown. I think we automatically picture 2007 Britney. Well, I definitely don’t keep clippers at home, so that was/is definitely not me.

3b295e35fa620a6c246a81bdffabf699.jpg
“This is fine.”

I was simply a woman approaching 2019 and I wanted change… But then I was like, well we were all approaching 2019, so then I thought, ok, I’m a woman “on a mission” approaching 2019  (because I know not all of y’all are on a mission) and I wanted change. It wasn’t the “New Year, New Me” typical train of thought because your girl still isn’t going to the gym and I ate my weight in chips and queso last night. I felt that with all the uncertainties in my life keeping me from optimal happiness, the one thing I COULD be certain and happy about was that A.) I could rock a short do despite my round face, and B.) I could be the one to create that short do! Fast forward to me having to wait for my tía to get home because I totally fucked up a small piece in the back. But AFTERWARDS it was fuckin on!!! 2019, you betta watch out! And as the holiday chaos of December approached I was like  “wait, WTF IS MY MISSION?” It definitely wasn’t to cut my own hair. So I had to think.

I didn’t want resolutions. The last good resolution in my life was Aaliyah’s 2001 mega-hit “We Need a Resolution” and that’s not even in the same context. So, maybe a mission! Not just any mission, but a mission to achieve optimal happiness in 2019.  I had to Google “mission” and it said “an important assignment carried out for political, religious, or commercial purposes, typically involving travel.” I love travel. And, anyone who knows me knows I’m all about politics. In fact, I’m already saving money for when I have to eventually and inevitably pay someone off to delete any screenshots of my posts on here when I decide to run for office. (That’s a joke, y’all. If I run for office, and y’all have screenshots, I’ll use them as billboards myself! I ain’t afraid of y’all.) So, political mission! Ok, I dig it! Religious? No, never, moving on. (Sorry, Mom.) Commercial purposes? Interesting. *Googles “commercial purposes”* No longer interesting. I’m not trying to make profit just because! And I’m not interesting enough to profit from my life anyway… I’m not a cast member of Made in Mexico. So maybe mission was the wrong word.

I wish IIIIII were a direct descendant of Moctezuma like Kitzia!

If not mission, then WHAT!?  I was leaving for Canyon Lake the week of Christmas and NOLA the weekend leading to New Years… time was of the essence! How do I achieve optimal happiness without a resolution, and now without a mission? Well, I could find my purpose!

It’s well established that I love science. I am well aware of our insignificance in the grand universal scheme of things.. grain of salt, and all that jazz… but I STILL want a reason for being around for as long as I have to be. Even if just to keep myself occupied. So, I decided I would aim to find a purpose that could bring me optimal happiness in 2019. I had 3 days to do so before I got “busy for the holidays” and let me tell y’all I DID NOT SUCCEED. That shit is HARD! I was still buying Christmas gifts with no bonus check in my account yet. I was ugly scarfing ice cream down at the realization that my youngest cousins would be bringing their significant others to our family Christmas trip, while I was still as single as the number of hits produced by Los Del Rio… and even Macarena had a novio, so there’s that! However, I definitely tried finding it: in the 1/2 million dollar home filled hills surrounded by wild deer having a total Pocahontas moment, to the bathroom stalls in NOLA at 2am having a very non-Disney approved moment. So, what is my purpose? Well, I don’t know. But fortunately for y’all, I will be sharing my process and progress on here in the weeks to come.

…I guess I kind of DO have a mission, and it’s to find my purpose… and share the details with y’all, however juicy they may be. And let me tell y’all, Tide has DEFINITELY had to wash out some that juice. Welcome to 2019, Chinguistadores. Brace yourselves.

Yours Truly,

Esmeralda

img_8374

Follow Esmeralda

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s