What does Miley’s song say? It’s a climb! I was fortunate enough to be able to take a trip to see my son who is stationed in California this past October. What I did not know was that I was going to have a lot of time to myself. I was able to take a breather from everyday life. And since I was in beautiful sunny California, why not explore?
This year has brought a lot with it. My year of Finding Forty has been by far the most emotional year. It is not until I stopped to reflect, that I was able to face it head on. My adventure started with me needed to fill my morning with something to do. I love to be outdoors and seeing all of God’s beauty. I also love to challenge myself, something I have not been doing lately. This time I did not have a schedule or routine to keep. I was able to do things on the fly. This mami does not do things on the fly. I am a planner, scheduler, and organizer. In my life everything has to have a purpose and fall into place. This is how I can have control. But there are things I cannot control and that is so scary. Those have been the most scariest things I have to admit to. Me not in control.
Climbing Cowles Mountain was something to do that morning. What I did not know was that it was what my soul needed. I did not just sweat my way to the top, there were a few tears shed. Not just because I did not realize what I got myself into, I sometimes under estimate things. This 1,593 foot climb to the highest peak of San Diego will go down on my list. Like when you are struggling and someone asks, “You ok?”
Thumbs up, yeah! Me? Just fine. I came prepared with water, cap, sunglasses, a jacket, etc. But just like in life, it does not matter how prepared you think you are. I was not ready. I doubted myself and my ability plenty of times. I had to keep telling myself that I was not a quitter. I think the scary part was that I was alone. But I really was not. There were plenty of people on the trail with me, doing the climb. And yet, I felt alone. I was texting my husband and keeping him posted on my status. And yet, I was alone.
Have you ever felt alone? I have. On this climb and in life. I started out strong with a good pace. I knew I had my asthma pumps with me, just in case. I also told myself to take breaks as needed and rest in shady areas when I would find them. I did. I even let people pass me up. I did not want to hold anyone back. I never do. I like to help others overcome, move forward, and accomplish their goals. I give advice and yet I forget to take my own. Every step I took, I let more and more go. The weight on my shoulders was getting lighter and lighter. As I reach every mile marker, it seemed as it was a reflecting of each stage of my life.
I have lived a great life. I have accomplished many things I set out to do. I have overcome. My bullheadedness to not fail has been my motivator to keep rising. The point is not to stop. My fears were taken by the wind. My eyes refocused. And me, well I am still climbing.
When I thought I had no more fuel, I saw the top. I reached the top of Cowles Mountain. It was beautiful. I sight to see, to enjoy, and to just – sit and be still. I did it. It wanted to shout once I got to the top. I actually almost fell to my knees with thankfulness. Once I took it all in and recovered, I had something come over me. I jogged my way down. I was super careful around the corners, got stuck behind a slow person, and then when I had the opportunity, I bolted for the bottom.
In life, there will always be more mountains to climb. You are not alone. It is your climb. However you choose to climb it. You choose the mountain. Whatever mile marker you are on, face it head on!
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